Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
