4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
from now on my penis is your penis
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
