I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
