The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
