Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
