The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
