i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
