the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
