i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
