just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
