Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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