420 ftw
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
