I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
