last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
