If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When did angry sex become our thing?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
