tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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