Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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