I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
pop tarts are not kleenex
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
