If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
