please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
