And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
