Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
