I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
