You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
