i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
