My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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