Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
