i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
