all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
