forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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