Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
