Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
