I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
