we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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