Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Say something about gay babies.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
