Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
