we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
