I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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