Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
