update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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