New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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