You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
