I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This is the high leading the old right now
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
