You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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