i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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