Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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