38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
