That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
