The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
