Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
