its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
